Chapter 2
It was a completely cynical tone. I responded calmly.
"I'll celebrate it twice later, so no worries. Besides, today is Lethy's birthday..."
"By the way, how about making a doll for Hyung's birthday, just like the one you made for Estelle? It would be perfect, as their intellectual levels are the same."
"Don't say that."
I understood what he meant, but I shifted my posture and added cautiously.
"True, when someone is going through something that is mentally exhausting... They say they close their eyes and mind to protect themselves and see things the way they want to see them. I think Oppa is like that too..."
"Others might be able to do that. Estelle and you are capable of it. But Hyung must not."
I fell silent and focused on listening to him carefully. Setting aside the fact that he was right, it seemed like he was finally opening up about his true feelings after a long time.
Benya continued speaking slowly, his eyes fixed on the dark, desolate sky.
"I've been contemplating things on my own. Who betrayed us? Why did they keep us alive? And yet, there's only one conclusion."
"And what's that?"
"If someone is going to betray us, they should do it properly, without hesitation."
"..."
"It's more demeaning to let your emotions cloud your judgment and act clumsily. As you mentioned, how many people can think rationally while confined like this? Besides, we're still just children, so it wouldn't hurt to gain some favors, just in case."
We'll be leaving this place in a year. We don't know how or by whom we'll escape, but the outside world knows nothing about our life in confinement.
Serpente's collaborators are also leading comfortable lives for the time being.
... In other words, the fact that they kept us alive worked in their favor, and we are alive because someone foresaw it.
Or perhaps, no one among them could bear to kill us.
Is Jerome truly the weak-hearted helper in the middle, or is he a cunning manipulator, or perhaps both? Or is he acting under someone else's instructions? Sometimes, I wonder about that too.
The monotonous and meager meals, cramped spaces, complete isolation from the outside world, and relentless boredom – all of these factors make it easy to manipulate emotionally vulnerable teenagers.
I found a way to objectify myself, thanks to my memories from my past life, but Lethias and Estelle could not.
Benya seemed to feel outraged on their behalf. It's the reason behind the frequent clashes between Benya and Lethias recently.
The problem is, I have no idea what to do about it.
Even I am uncertain about the true background of our current situation, so what can I possibly say to these kids who are trying to maintain their sanity amidst this horrible life in their own ways? \
Sometimes, I even question my own sanity.
When I turned my gaze slowly, Benya had already averted his eyes and was looking at me.
The merciless and mischievous boy I knew seemed to have disappeared, replaced by the expression of a weary, cynical adult. My heart suddenly skipped a beat.
"It appears that Hyung still wishes to hold onto his innocence."
"..."
"I shouldn't have believed in it from the beginning. They claim to be family, that they have a good relationship with our parents, and to have known us well since we were young..."
"Benya..."
"I can't trust anyone anymore, not even my older brother."
My hand gently clasped Benya's. I was nervous he might pull away, but he stared blankly at our joined hands.
His shirt sleeves were past his wrists, almost up to his elbows. He needed new clothes that fit his size.
"Don't beat yourself up like that. You were in a sad and confusing situation too. You didn't know what the future held. It's not your fault; it's the person who betrayed your trust that's to blame. And Lethy-oppa is not the kind of person who would harm us, no matter what."
"I'm too numb to trust anyone. Seeing what they're doing now, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust them again. If we were to leave this place today, no one would earn my trust except you, Sasha."
Really? You can't trust anyone but me? That's a profound statement. Ahem, are my consistent efforts to support these guys inside here the reason I'm seen in such a light?
After going through such a terrible situation, the only thing we could trust until the end was each other. It wasn't a phenomenon I intended to encourage, but I didn't realize I felt the same way.
I shifted my body and snuggled close to him. Then, with my other arm, I gently tidied up his silver-gray hair that was tangled. Tsk, tsk! I wish I had some decent scissors.
"Benya, shall we play hair salon one more time?"
"... Don't even dream about it."
"Why not? Didn't you say you trust me?"
When I playfully mentioned it, his sky-blue eyes glared at me as if saying, "You can still joke like that, how amazing!"
Oh wow, that's intimidating. Why do his eyes look so fierce? I don't recall them being like that before.
"This and that are diff... Haa, you really... Go away. Just leave me alone."
"It's mealtime."
"I have no appetite."
"But the Duke always said that we should all dine together."
"..."
As if he couldn't bring himself to say anything more, Benya eventually returned inside without hesitation.
Then, Lethias followed suit, probably unable to fall back asleep. As a result, only the three of us had breakfast that day.
While Benya and I prepared breakfast, Estelle wandered around in her thin pajamas.
"Estelle, you should put on a robe. You might catch a cold."
"I don't want to. It's too hot."
It did feel suffocating. I wish we could preserve some of this heat for the winter.
After breakfast, we went to the library, tore open the pages of the book we had finished reading, and folded them into fans.
"But when do we get to eat the cake?"
"At lunch later, once Lethy-oppa wakes up. Are you hungry already?"
"It's not that- Achoo!"
God... It was Estelle who didn't listen and wore only pajamas, and eventually sneezed loudly. I clicked my tongue and went back upstairs to get her robe.
Early that morning, I woke up to the feeling of
something scorching piercing through me. It was none other than Estelle,
who was burning with fever.
* * *
Originally, Estelle was always sickly, but since she started living here, I thought it was fortunate that she appeared healthier than she did outside.
But it seems it was just an illusion. The fever that struck her without warning took away all her vitality in an instant and turned every day into a living hell.
"Mom, mommy..."
Throughout the time Estelle was suffering from the high fever, she constantly alternated between calling for her mother and my mother.
There were moments when she called out for me as well. Then, in the end, she regained consciousness without losing her awareness and eventually fainted.
"What do you think?"
"... I don't see any improvement at all."
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