Chapter 1
𝕍𝕠𝕝𝕦𝕞𝕖 𝟜:
ℍ𝕖𝕣 𝔹𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕪 𝕃𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕒𝕓𝕪
'Lavender's green, dilly dilly, lavender's blue,
If you love me, dilly dilly, I will love you.'
I hear a lullaby. Who's singing? Oh, it's my mom's
voice. Oh, it's my mom. Mommy…
'I love to dance, dilly, dilly, I love to sing,
When I am queen, dilly, dilly, you'll be my king,'
It smells like soot. Did I fall asleep with the stove on again?
'It's all right, Sasha.'
A soft and sweet voice. She seems to smell like Mom, too. I tried to come to my senses at the thought of having to clear the stove, but my mother's scent overshadowed it all.
'It’s really all fine. You can sleep more if you want to sleep...'
Really? My mom always said that I shouldn't be lazing around, even for just a day. She said that the better the people treat you, the more diligent you should be.
Does she know that I'm tired? Maybe that's why she’s
being so sweet…
“Sasha.”
A hand on my shoulder, shaking it, jolted me up from my slumber. I leaped up and let out a quick moan.
"What…”
"Shh."
His sky-blue eyes flashed with dazzling brightness in the gloomy air of the bedroom, where not a single moonlight showed through.
It looked weird, so I examined the seat beside me; our Estelle was blissfully asleep, her head buried in the pillow.
Benya placed his finger to my lips and signaled for me to follow him softly, so I cautiously got out of bed and followed him.
His hand was gripping my hand down the tiny stairs, and the slight tremor in his hand made my pulse skip a beat. What in the world is going on? What happened to Benya to make him this way...
"... You're not allowed to scream."
The location Benya directed me to was the downstairs bathroom door.
I nodded blankly as I heard him murmur gently while gripping the doorknob with the other hand. Without even imagining what is in store for me.
As a result, I wasn't mentally prepared, and despite my solid resolution, as soon as the door opened, I almost yelled with all my might.
It was terrible to think of what would happen if Estelle heard my shouts and awoke, seeing this scenario. A faint sigh emerged between my hastily clasped fists, which had quickly covered my mouth.
"Oppa…!”
In his nightgown, Lethias lay in the bathtub. One arm
protruding from the edge was a tangled mess, as if attempting to slit his
wrist, and a pair of blood-splattered scissors lay on the lavatory floor.
* * *
The scissors he used were so dull that cutting hair was difficult. As a result, Lethias' suicide attempt was futile.
Because of this, the incision healed quickly, and fortunately, it did not appear to sever his artery and endanger his life.
I went to get the first aid kit as Benya hauled Lethias out of the bathtub and onto the bed.
I didn't think about anything as I disinfected his bleeding wounds from the scissor blades and covered them in bandages. My mind is completely blank.
After a while, Lethias opened his eyes. Benya and I were just sitting by his bed, staring blankly at his face when he finally regained consciousness.
Benya was the first to move. Benya stepped up from his seat and just raised his fist and struck him down!
He slapped his older brother hard without hesitation! The noise was so loud that I was afraid Estelle might wake up.
“Benya…!”
In contrast to me, who let out a low moan, Lethias, who had been viciously thrashed by his younger brother as soon as he regained consciousness, had a disoriented and confused expression on his face.
Benya's hand tightened around his neck.
“I’m really fed up, Hyung. I’m so sick and tired of you.”
“…”
“Do you want me to treat you like a child? Do I have to go so far as to keep an eye on you, Hyung, so that you don’t die?”
Lethias remained silent. His foggy eyes regained focus and gradually took on a melancholy light as if he had gradually come to grasp how things were going. Then he shook his head swiftly.
"... I’m sorry."
"If you really want to die, jump out the window next time; do you understand? I don't want the smell of rotting corpses in this rat hole."
Lethias just flinched his shoulders when Benya's final cold words pressed down on the heat.
Of course, Lethias would not have attempted suicide again because of his brother's remarks, but the growth of our body is another indication that time is passing in addition to the seasons that can be felt with our sixth sense.
It had become increasingly difficult for Lethias and Benya to continue meeting Mr. Gargoyle through that small window.
I retrieved the remaining painkillers from the first aid kit and handed them to Lethias along with a glass of water.
I wanted to say something, but words failed me. My emotions were a mix of devastation, anger, and sadness. This guy was a real piece of work!
Why did he do that? There were so many reasons, too many to count.
Though it was never openly discussed, we all knew the possibility of dying in this place lingered in our minds.
The traitors had taken control of the mansion, and they could starve us or poison our food whenever they pleased.
Yet, we kept on living, surviving on meager supplies sent to us to maintain a semblance of human decency.
Somehow, this became a glimmer of hope, even if we were unaware of it. But that hope was shattered last summer.
That cruel summer made everything crystal clear. Nobody cared if the siblings survived or perished here, not even Viscount Hippolyte.
Yes, even Viscount Hippolyte had changed.
He might have felt a tinge of regret, but the benefits he gained from betraying his kin were far more appealing than any guilt he might have felt for abandoning his nibling.
Perhaps the daily meals were just a way for him to convince himself that he had done his best. If we were to die together, he would feel relieved and maybe shed a few self-pitying tears...
Lethias had always been a gentle soul since he was young. He was so sweet that even the duke expressed his concerns about him.
Accepting the complete betrayal of his blood relatives and almost losing his sister and brother had taken a severe toll on his mental state.
Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it. The siblings, along with Lethias, felt a profound sense of betrayal and loss that I couldn't simply dismiss.
In this delicate situation, offering shallow comfort could potentially make matters worse and lead to extreme consequences.
I woke up feeling frustrated and miserable in the morning. Lethias came in a gown that covered his wrists and sat down at the table.
The three of us finished our meal as usual, trying to act calm in front of Estelle, who was unaware of the situation.
After breakfast, Estelle suddenly grabbed Lethias and challenged him to play hair salon.
Surprisingly, Estelle, who had been lacking motivation lately, made the offer, so Lethias was taken to the library without a word. I called out to him to bring the stove along.
Though it was still cold, the snowstorm had ceased, and the clear sunlight streamed in through the windows.
Since I hadn't done laundry since winter began, I decided to at least wash my pajamas on a day like today.
However, a problem arose as I packed my pajamas, entered the bathroom, and bent over to fill the bathtub. I noticed debris scattered around the drain.
It turned out to be the remnants of today's breakfast, to be precise, the traces of Estelle throwing up after eating and hastily pouring it down with water.
It seemed like Estelle had vomited again. Evidently, she was doing it secretly and cleaning up afterward, fearing that we would find out.
For a while, I was relieved when her vomiting symptoms appeared to have stopped. But now it seemed they were resurfacing, or perhaps they had never truly stopped…
Could it be that she was secretly doing this every day out of worry that we might discover it?
I knelt on the floor and sat there, trying to clean the area around the dirty drain, but everything became blurry before my eyes.
There was no way of knowing whether Estelle's food refusal was due to a digestive issue or a psychological cause. Either way, it was a distressing sight—a truly absurd situation.
“Sasha? Why are you sitting like that?"
Benya entered through the half-open bathroom door. He must have thought I was going to do the laundry. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and stammered out.
“She threw up again.”
“…”
“I think she can't digest properly. It hurts her so much... I thought she should stick to a liquid diet, but I can't make her..."
Benya quietly came over and sat down next to me, then raised his hand and gently caressed my back. We sat there in silence for a long time.
I had thought about it countless times.
What would the original Sasha have done?
How would she have reacted and coped with this situation?
I didn't think she would have been any different from me now.
She was the villainess of these children, and I was someone reincarnated with memories from another world, yet there didn't seem to be much difference between us.
After a heavy silence, Benya slowly spoke up. A dry voice escaped him.
"It's not the first time he's been like that."
What? I rubbed my eyes and stared at him in amazement.
A bitter and sorrowful smile appeared in his sky-blue eyes as he looked at me.
"Last time I mentioned how I accidentally knocked over some books while climbing the bookshelf. Well, to be honest, I didn't do it because I was just fooling around. Hyung attempted to hang himself there, using a belt."
"..."
"I recall seeing him somewhere... It was a foolish thing for him to do, especially when he knew he was about to fail to do that. Remember how difficult it was for us to clean up all the books in the end?"
I was left speechless.
The incident from last night was shocking, but it wasn't the first time he had done that... It made me understand why Benya reacted so violently the night before.
My hand moved instinctively, and I tightly held his hand. Benya kept his gaze fixed on the floor and spoke slowly.
"He wasn't that kind of person, you know... The older brother I knew wasn't weak and pathetic. No matter what happened, he always believed there was a way... He wasn't the type to cowardly run away alone."
That was true.
Our little duke, even though he’s somewhat indecisive, wasn't the kind of person to make extreme choices that would harm his younger siblings in difficult situations.
However, he was still just a child, and one couldn't predict the kind of change that might occur when a person was pushed to their mental limits.
At first, I vaguely thought I could somehow survive for two years. But then, so many things happened, and I became just as devastated as Estelle, who fell ill.
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