Chapter 8
Benya's eyes, fixed on me as I playfully greeted him, were red and bloodshot like never before. Was it because he stayed up all night or had he been crying?
The cries I heard in my dreams flashed through my mind.
With a low cough, Lethias raised himself and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, then turned away.
The other three followed him quietly. Then, the sound of a door closing. What on earth! How could they simply change their minds so effortlessly...
"But where is this place? Clearly, it's not my room."
"... This is my room."
"Really?"
Instead of answering, Benya slumped back in the chair and buried his face in his hands. His sleek, silver-gray hair seemed to quiver slightly. He remained motionless for a while.
As I was about to say something, Benya finally spoke. It was a choked voice.
"It's all my fault."
"Benya."
"I shouldn't have involved you from the beginning. No, I should've kept it hidden from you. I put you in danger... We, just like back then..."
"Don't blame yourself."
I reached out and gently stroked his disheveled hair. The sensation of his soft, silver-gray hair between my fingers brought a sense of reality that I had finally escaped the grasp of death.
"Look at me, Benya. I'm perfectly fine. It just hurt a little. It's possible some lowlife spilled it into our drinks, thinking it was a love potion."
"I'd rather you..."
"You can't hide me away anywhere. We all know you wouldn't do that to me. It's not anyone's fault, no one's. It was something that could have happened anytime."
"...."
"In a way, it's somewhat of a relief because I won't have to go through it again."
"Don't talk like that."
He shook his head and held my hand tightly, almost to the point of pain.
"Don't act like you don't care. I'd rather have you blame us… Get angry. Shout at me, at least, blame us for ruining your life."
"... Do you think you ruined my life? Were you thinking that?"
Only then did Benya raise his head and look at me again. His stunning sky-blue eyes were trembling.
The emotions hidden within him looked terribly tormented, making me want to stop and cry. But instead of crying, I smiled.
"Oh, my god. I would be a bit sad if the only thing between us was a sense of indebtedness."
"... It's not like that."
"Don't think like that again. If you keep doing that, I might end up completely spoiled, devour the whole family, and throw you and Oppa out in the dark. I can be a bit greedy that way."
A faint smile crept up at the corner of his dark eyes. Finally.
"That's nice... It's a good ending."
I tried to move closer to him, but my body, which had just escaped the brink of death, didn't respond as well as I hoped. Without Benya's quick intervention, I would have hurt and fallen off the bed.
The scents of cigarettes, musk, and something akin to the smell of blood mingled and tickled my nose.
I felt his broad, solid chest under my head, and his steel arm wrapped around my shoulder, which stirred unfamiliar and strange sensations.
That was definitely what I felt, but the fact that he could lift me so effortlessly with just one arm made it seem like it went unnoticed.
"Sometimes I worry about you too much... Maybe even more than I worry about Oppa. It's funny for me to admit this."
Benya, after carefully settling me back into place, gazed into my eyes in silence for a while. All the unanswered questions about him burned in my heart.
The truth about his parents' death. The incident from last year. And everything else.
It was impossible to know what might have happened here or what secrets could have arisen during the seven years I was gone.
It didn't matter to me what he endured, what he had to do, or how terrible things he had to go through to become the man he is today. It was just heart-wrenching to think about. Sometimes overwhelmingly so.
Lethias has changed too, but at least he's been honest with his feelings. Despite his struggles with drinking and his temper, he retained his innocence.
The bitter expression he wore when talking about the incident from last year also revealed that he still possessed his tender and vulnerable side.
"I feel like you're carrying too much on your own... It seems like you're carrying it all alone."
From now on, I'll share the burden with him. As I held back my words, Benya's hand gently gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him.
The light blue flames burning fiercely seemed to engulf the crimson sky as if seeking to devour it.
"Are you trying to comfort me? Me? Honestly, Sasha, I can't feel much anymore. Maybe it's because I witnessed so many deaths while you were gone, or because I've experienced so many damn things that I no longer feel any emotions about what happened back then."
"Benya..."
"They believed I would seek revenge for everything they did to us. Yes, I could have sought vengeance. However, the days of holding onto those feelings about the harm they caused my family are long gone. You might be disappointed, but for someone like me, that's no longer an option."
"..."
"Still, I can't help it... That child-like innocence in your eyes on the day Estelle was buried is gone forever. You almost died, but you've become so naive, to the extent that you're even finding solace in such a situation. I can never forgive them for that."
The foolish one was him. Just like me.
I swallowed hard. I couldn't see what my expression looked like right now, but I'm certain I'm smiling.
"I will never be disappointed in you... Though I don't know if you're disappointed in me."
I should be the one to bear all the resentment, not him. It was I who whispered into the ears of a boy about shedding his skin years ago, urging him to kill them all.
I left them all alone without knowing how twisted he would become.
I played a part in extinguishing the innocence in his eyes.
I am nothing more than a bloodthirsty, greedy queen of poisonous snakes who cannot offer thanks or apologies. So, the responsibility and the consequences are all mine.
Even if one day you are left alone and dragged to the depths of hell...
His sky-blue eyes, filled with complexity, flinched and sank. I don't know if he understood what I meant, but it was evident that he didn't like it. I wouldn't have said that otherwise.
"If you believe that is possible, you're even more foolish than I am."
Perhaps... Benya released himself from my grasp and moved towards the door. I called out to him one last time.
"Benya."
"..."
"Happy twenty-three years old."
He paused but didn't turn back. He didn't even acknowledge my somewhat belated congratulations. Instead, he said something else.
"While you were lying down, someone came to visit you. They claimed to be your friend and left a letter. You should check it out."
My head tilted instinctively. They said they were my friend...? But I don't have any friends... Wait, who could it be?
As soon as I received the letter, I immediately knew who it was from. It was none other than Marianne, my roommate at Vibrato.
* * *
In the short letter Marianne left behind, she explained that she attended the hotel's opening event with her father and couldn't find an opportunity to say hello to me.
She wished me a swift recovery and added, "Please get in touch when you think it's appropriate."
The identity of the person who poisoned the drink I consumed remained unknown. At first glance, that was the situation.
Even if the culprit had been discovered, revealing their identity wouldn't be easy. For now, it was better to let various speculations circulate.
Amidst a whirlwind of dramatic theories—whether it was a calculated act by Serpente, friction with the criminal underworld, the work of someone disgruntled with us, the result of an ignorant person mistaking the concoction for a love potion, or merely an unnecessary and exaggerated love affair—I rested for a few days and managed to rise a week after my collapse.
I wanted to speed up my recovery, but I had to adhere to my patient responsibilities, as the Serpente brothers were meticulously watching over me.
It's highly disconcerting for my roommate, whom I may have met for the first time in a while, to witness me vomiting blood and collapsing.
Still, both Marianne and Alfonsina, who were present that day, sent me letters wishing for my swift recovery. The same was true for Adriana. However, Adriana's letter arrived unexpectedly.
"Oh, what brings you here, Prince?"
"... Do you think I came here voluntarily? I had no choice but to come because Noona asked me to deliver this. I don't understand why Noona is so concerned about you, but you should consider it an honor."
As Juan retorted in a disapproving tone, our Mr. Chaplin opened his eyes and seemed ready to point out his mistakes, but I intervened quickly and smiled.
"The ducal princess is very kind. Although, for a letter like this, she could have sent an attendant. If the Ducal Prince had other business here..."
"What business could I possibly have in a place like this? She just wanted me to see with my own eyes if you're all right. How bothersome..."
Oh, really? I had my doubts. There was no real reason for her to send her younger brother to check up on me.
However, it seemed that even someone like him, who had already lost face in front of the proud Black Flame Dragon, wanted to meet me. A siscon indeed.
With a smile on my face, I gazed at Juan's slightly scowled appearance. A mix of odd emotions swirled within those unnaturally pretty pink eyes.
Annoyance, disapproval, and rejection were predictable. But sympathy...
It was a rare reaction. I didn't think he had a soft spot in that area. Could it be linked to the rumors surrounding his father's death?
If that were the case, he probably held his mother accountable.
It was rather surprising that someone who secretly nursed a sense of indebtedness could also harbor genuine sympathy. Or was he making his own assumptions about me?
"As you can see, I'm fine. Please convey my gratitude to the Princess."
"If something had gone slightly wrong, Noona might have been poisoned instead of you. Be careful."
"Yes, yes, I apologize for the various inconveniences. I'm truly relieved it wasn't the princess."
"I mean... Tsk, well, that uproar brought some people a step closer to the truth. I wonder if it's true that you guys still don't know who did it."
Juan adopted an air of moderate detachment and bitterness, typical of anyone in this world, yet he seemed overly self-aware—a characteristic more fitting for a teenager than a twenty-year-old.
A juvenile teenager, with an endearing mix of vulnerability and cuteness, who might not be particularly interested in the world, but considered himself adept at dissecting the core of a problem more accurately than anyone else.
Suddenly, I found myself wondering if the Second Prince, dubbed a "bitch" by others, shared a similar disposition.
He had gotten along well with Juan before setting his sights on Adriana in the original story. Rumors even suggested that they had a good relationship.
"It's a skill to know how to turn unexpected misfortune into an advantageous card."
I decided to tease him a bit, so I playfully dropped those words, prompting his pink eyes to blink. Those eyes conveyed a mixture of confusion and assurance.
A gaze that suggested he was either uncertain or absolutely certain of something.
"Those who have never experienced loss often hold such perspectives. Especially when you're associated with that kind of crowd. Anyway, are you planning to stay low for a while?"
"I can't afford to do that. I have a lot of work on my plate, so I need to stay productive."
"Interesting. After what you've been through, they aren't even urging you to take a break? If it were Noona who got poisoned, I'd have kept her hidden for months. Are they genuinely concerned about you?"
Oops, that seemed to be his line of thought.
It appeared that amidst all the plotting and scheming the Serpente brothers were involved in, he had carved out my own niche, and that everything known about me didn't quite add up unless I were a significant chess piece in their game.
It was a plausible conclusion for someone unaware of our situation.
The sympathy in his eyes might be directed at the fantasy he had constructed for himself—a foolishly tragic and beautiful doll, forced to play along with the Serpente brothers in return for their questionable hospitality.
I'm curious how Benya and Lethias would react if I were to share this with them. Perhaps they'd find it so amusing that they'd laugh until they fell off their chairs.
I wanted to laugh too, but instead, I responded with a quiet smile, perhaps tinged with a bit of apprehension.
"I believe it's time for you to head back, Prince."
Instead of retorting with something like "Who are you to see me off?", Juan shot one last glare my way and left. Initially, I pegged him as a straightforward siscon, but it seemed to me that he could be unexpectedly useful.
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